Planning ahead: creating space for personal choices in funerals
For when I’m Gone - Grave Expectations fantastic prompt book
At Parley Green, we recently spoke with Beccy Edgar from Grave Expectations about her thoughtful blog on pre planning a funeral. Her original article explores how planning ahead can remove uncertainty, encourage meaningful conversations, and help families feel more confident about honouring a loved one's wishes.
You can read Beccy's original blog here:
https://graveexpectations.co.uk/blog/pre-planning-a-funeral
Rather than repeating her words, we wanted to reflect on why this approach resonates so strongly with us, and why conversations around funeral planning are becoming more important.
Starting the conversation
Planning your own funeral is not always an easy subject to approach. For many people, particularly older generations, discussing personal wishes around death can feel uncomfortable or even unnecessary. Often the conversation is postponed, avoided, or reduced to a passing comment.
We have all heard it said: "Just put me in a cardboard box when I die."
On the surface, this can sound like a lighthearted remark, but it often reflects something deeper. It can signal a desire for simplicity, modesty, or a wish not to burden loved ones with cost or complexity. It can also suggest that people want something more personal, but have not yet explored what that might look like.
This is where thoughtful planning can make a real difference.
The value of a prompt book
One of the ideas Beccy introduces is the concept of a prompt book. This is a simple but powerful tool that encourages people to think about their preferences in a structured and gentle way. Rather than forcing difficult conversations, a prompt book opens the door gradually.
Questions might include:
What kind of atmosphere would you like at your funeral?
Are there particular songs or readings that matter to you?
Would you prefer something traditional or something more informal?
Are there colours, themes, or personal touches that reflect your life?
These are not decisions that need to be made all at once. Instead, they encourage reflection over time. They also give families reassurance that the choices they are making are guided by genuine wishes.
We believe this approach is incredibly valuable. Funeral directors like Beccy and Katy are helping families move beyond assumptions and towards meaningful personalisation.
Making choices more accessible
At Parley Green, we are particularly interested in how planning ahead creates space for more thoughtful choices around coffins and materials.
When someone says they want a cardboard box, they are often expressing a preference for something simple, sustainable, or understated. Historically, that might have meant a very limited range of options. However, materials like cardboard, or what we refer to as forest board, now allow for much wider possibilities.
These materials can still reflect simplicity, but they also open the door to personalisation. Designs can be subtle, elegant, colourful, nature inspired, or completely unique. They can reflect hobbies, favourite places, or a quiet aesthetic that feels right for the individual.
This is not about making things more elaborate. It is about making choice available.
Supporting thoughtful funeral directors
We are encouraged by funeral directors who actively create space for these conversations. By introducing tools like prompt books, offering a wider range of options, and encouraging families to think ahead, they are helping to remove uncertainty and create more meaningful experiences.
Planning ahead does not have to be complicated. It can start with a simple thought, a conversation, or a note written down for the future. Over time, these small decisions can build into something that feels personal, considered, and reassuring for everyone involved.
Continuing the conversation
If you are interested in exploring the idea of pre planning further, we encourage you to read Beccy Edgar's original blog and learn more about the work being done at Grave Expectations:
https://graveexpectations.co.uk/blog/pre-planning-a-funeral
https://graveexpectations.co.uk
These conversations are not always easy, but they are increasingly important. By making thoughtful choices today, we can help create more personal, meaningful farewells tomorrow.